I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
