i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
