I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
