his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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