I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
