Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
