they need to just BURY HIM!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
