Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
