i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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