I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
