One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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