I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
