Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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