WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
