12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
