You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
