i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
