Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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