I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
