So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
