So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
