You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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