based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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