I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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