Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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