Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
