if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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