i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
