ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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