eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
