I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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