dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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