Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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