college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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