absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
