My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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