Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
