I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
