if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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