where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
