nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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