please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
whose parrot is this?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
did i just pee glitter
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
