I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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