The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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