i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
