I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
