nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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