i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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