Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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