Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
